Harmless Fuzzy Wuzzy Keillor destroys Bill O’Reilly

Hilarious, read after the cut here. The commentary and transcript are from
sweetjesusihatebilloreilly.com

THE MOST O’REILLY MOMENT OF THE DAY –  by JG Minton

August 4, 2004 – “Garrison Keillor Kicks Ass” and other things I never thought I’d say

Bill had on the folksy Garrison Keillor tonight and I must say that I’ve never seen anyone so
effortlessly handle O’Reilly.  Picture one of Bill’s split screen interviews.  Keillor sat in front of a
wall of books, eased back in a chair, donning an oxford and sport coat, casually holding his
glasses.  I only wish he had a snifter of brandy.  

O’Reilly announced that Keillor has millions of listeners on NPR and has been doing his
program for some twenty-five years.  He is currently promoting his new book Homegrown
Democrat:  A few plain thoughts from the heart of America.

So what is Bill’s first question for this man who represents the heart and soul of liberal and
solid Midwestern thought and values?

“First I want you to tell the folks, how left-wing are you?  Can you put it into some
perspective?

Keillor taps his glasses to his chin twice and replies effortlessly,  “I describe myself as a
museum-quality tax-and-spend bleeding-heart knee-jerk liberal.”  

Doesn’t that just rock?  I love unapologetic liberals.  Oh, but Bill doesn’t.  He loves those
inferior self-loathing liberal types that he can parade in front of his viewers before bullying
them into submission.  So O’Reilly tries to turn his audience against Keillor:

“Okay are you a Michael Moore liberal?  Are you in that bomb-throwing category?”

Now, I know that many of you hate how much I swear, but come on people, what the fuck!  If I
can’t swear about this, then damn, I don’t know what to do.  The guy already said he’s as
liberal as they come, but Bill wants to demonize him.  

Of course, Garrison remained unflappable and told O’Reilly that he was a “peaceful,
Midwestern liberal… a quiet liberal”.  But O’Reilly was like a dog with a bone.  Liberal wasn’t
enough. Keillor was too at ease and Bill wanted a fight.  So he continued:

“Okay, but do you applaud when you go to see people like Moore, you know, cut-up the
President.  Are you going ‘yeah-yeah, I love that kinda stuff’.

Now obviously, Bill has a gift for the language, but where the hell is he going with this?  This
seriously can’t be the whole interview.  He’s not going to just sit there and try to indict Garrison
Keillor based on whether or not he likes Michael Moore.

Keillor, appearing bored, replies “I’ve never seen his movies”.  

Well, I guess that’s it, then.  FINALLY, Bill can start the frigging interview.

“Well, how about his books?  Have you read his books?”

Okay at this point, I just started laughing.  Bill is such a wack-job.  I was waiting for the
inevitable, “ARE YOU A COMMUNIST, SIR!”

Keillor, who was probably now thinking he should just fire whoever set up this lame-ass
interview, replied, “no, no” to the book question.

Well, perhaps Bill could finally move on.

“How about his interviews?  Have you seen his interviews?”

OH MY GOD, O’REILLY IS INSANE!

Keillor, being a better man than I, replied, “No, I’m leading a very quiet, isolated life here.”

So they go through the interview and question after question O’Reilly tried to get under
Keillor’s skin, but failed miserably.  Finally at the end of the interview O’Reilly asked:

“Do you think that I’m a bad guy here?  Am I doing bad things to the country and hurtin’ the
poor people and everything?”  

Keillor’s response was masterful, “I have no idea. I’m just sitting here talking to you, having a
good time.”

Bill is bewildered, “You don’t know what we do here or anything like that?”

Now see, Bill thinks he’s really powerful.  He thinks that liberals are afraid of him.  He thinks
they run from his scrutiny.  So what is the worst thing you can say to a megalomaniacal loon
like Bill, when he asks you if you understand what he’s trying to do with his program?  Well, I
think that Keillor had the best answer ever:

“I’m sorry, I don’t.  I don’t have cable t.v.  I live a very small life in St. Paul.  You’d be amazed.

I realized at that moment how much I envied Garrison Keillor.

“It might hurt your frame of reference then if you write about politics on that level, but
maybe not.”

Yeah Bill, how could anyone write about politics without the input of the FOX NEWS
side-show freaks.  (I apologize to any side-show freaks for the comparison)